VistaPrint condones spam, but doesn't approve of my mothering skills

The following email arrived in my inbox this morning:

From: Josh Hagen <>
Date: Mon, Jun 1, 2009 at 10:12 AM

Dear Blogger,

We are currently looking to sponsor ads or blog posts on websites associated with mothers. If you be interested in selling ad space or wish to write about an asigned subject, please contact us.


John Young

I’m not a mom, nor am I a Seattle resident, nor am I a pirate (“If you be interested”?), but I do have a mom, so I guess that means my website is associated with mothers! I was so excited to be qualified for this once-in-a-blog opportunity that I could barely contain myself:

To: Josh Hagen <>
Date: Mon, Jun 1, 2009 at 10:25 AM
Subject: Re:

Hi John (or Josh?),

I’d love to hear more. What subject would you like me (just call me Mr. Mom!) to write about?

- Ryan

A few minutes later I received a reply. And not just any old reply either; they put so much effort into this reply that it took two whole people to write it!

Date: Mon, Jun 1, 2009 at 10:34 AM
Subject: Re:

Hey Ryan,

Would you be interested in writing about personalized checks from



John and Josh

I was pleased that John and Josh were undeterred by my male name, and while — to the best of my knowledge — I have no offspring, I suppose the fact that my mom occasionally posts comments on my blog was enough to make J & J consider me an honorary mommy blogger.

This responsibility weighed heavily on me, though. I felt it was my duty to be the best mom I could be, and a mom can’t just endorse any old product. I wanted some assurances that this here VistaPrint was wholesome and educational before I’d give it Momma Ryan’s stamp of approval.

Date: Mon, Jun 1, 2009 at 10:51 AM
Subject: Re:

Hey JohnJosh,

As a mother, it’s very important to me to instill a strong sense of financial responsibility in my children. Can you tell me a little bit more about how VistaPrint’s personalized checks will help my wee kidlets learn good check-writing practices?

Also, do you have any checks with a Sin City theme? My kids and their little friends LOVE that movie, especially the part where Benicio Del Toro gets his throat slit and pretends to be a pez dispenser. They watch it and then run around all day taking turns playing pez dispenser. It’s so cute!

- Ryan

Unfortunately, my enthusiasm for Sin City-related financial edutainment seems to have overwhelmed poor JohnJosh. I never did hear back.