I went to the dentist today for my six month cleaning and checkup. I told the hygienist about a sensitive tooth, near the back right on the top. She looked at it, scraped at it a bit, and said it looked like there was something in the very early stages of becoming evil.
After the cleaning, as usual, she gave me some floss and one of those little tiny free toothbrushes that I always throw away because they suck. So the dentist came in, looked at my troubled tooth, and announced that it was a baby cavity about to be born. “Odd,” I thought to myself, “that tooth has been sensitive for years and I mention it every six months, and this is the first time they’ve seen anything.” Apparently the gestation period for cavities is very, very long. Anyway, after telling me this, the dentist saw me holding the little sissy toothbrush and grabbed it out of my hands.
Then he rummaged around in a cabinet, pulled something out from behind a box on the top shelf, and handed it to me. It was a good toothbrush. Not a stupendous badass of a toothbrush, but at least a good one. The best one I’ve ever gotten from a dentist for free. He said the specially-formed bristles on the tip would help me brush those hard-to-reach corners, where my cavity was forming.
This got me thinking. If they have good toothbrushes to give people, and if these toothbrushes do a better job of brushing those hard-to-reach corners where cavities tend to form, and if, as I’m sure I read somewhere once upon a time, most people don’t bother buying toothbrushes and just use the ones the dentist gives them, and if dentists really care about the well-being of our teeth, then wouldn’t it make sense for them to give us the good toothbrushes to begin with? It’s not like they’re terribly expensive or anything. Certainly a lot less expensive than the salt water aquarium in the waiting room or the ceiling-mounted televisions and flat-panel LCDs at every patient chair or the networked, computerized patient record database. Or am I missing something?
It’s obviously a conspiracy of some kind. Obviously.