Listen up spiders: I hate you

I woke up this morning with a spider in my ear.

For some reason, spiders seem to be attracted to my sleeping form. Past encounters with spiders include one hugeass wolf spider that I found sitting happily on my mouth one morning and about a zillion unidentified baby spiders that hatched somewhere in my room and found their way under my covers, giving me the strange feeling that my legs were covered in bugs (they were). But the evil bastards have at least stayed out of my various orifices until today.

As consciousness came this morning, I felt something light brush against my right ear. I automatically swiped at it, thinking it was a floating tuft of Qubit hair (not at all uncommon around my apartment). I was confused when I heard and felt a drumming sound deep within my ear; it sounded like there was fluid sloshing around.

Crap, I thought, are my ears going to fill up with fluid and make me deaf again like that time a few years ago?

I sat up and tilted my head to the left to see if the fluid would slosh. It did, sort of, but something didn't sound quite right. I tilted my head to the right, and was rewarded with the eerie sensation of something falling out of my ear. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw a dark spot on the bed, which I assumed to be fluid soaking into the dark sheets. But when I looked closer, the dark spot moved. Turns out it had legs. Eight of 'em. It was a tiny black spider, no bigger than a pencil eraser.

That's fucking creepy is what that is.