Fire sauce reserves dwindling...must...replenish...

I hate lunch. Perhaps not as much as I hate breakfast, but even so, I hate it. I need to eat, but getting food is a huge pain in the ass. I’m way too lazy to prepare my own lunches, which means I have to leave the office to get lunch every day, which means spending money and dealing with lunch hour traffic.

My solution to this problem for the last few months has been Taco Bell. It’s just around the corner, so I can drive there in about a minute without getting stuck in traffic. I can even walk there if I’m feeling particularly non-lazy. It’s fast. It’s cheap. It can be relatively healthy compared to other fast food. On a good day, I can be back in the office eating my tacos in under ten minutes.

Unfortunately, there are only two things on the menu that I have any desire to consume. There’s the Chicken Grilled Stuft Burrito, and there’s the Double Decker Taco Supreme. The problem with the burrito is that it’s often too much. My appetite isn’t huge these days, and the burrito tends to leave me feeling overfull and sleepy. The Double Decker Supreme, though, is just about right, and it contains actual vegetable matter, not just meat and cheese and beans. The only catch is that I must—I must—have exactly two packets of fire sauce on the taco or it just doesn’t taste right.

The problem with the drive-thru is that they don’t always give you enough sauce, even when you specifically ask for it. Until recently, there was a particular girl working the drive-thru almost every day. I call her Sauce Girl, but not to her face. She’d always give me huge handfuls of sauce packets. I started storing the extras in my desk for the days when she wasn’t there and I didn’t get enough. Sometimes she’d be gone and I wouldn’t get ANY sauce, despite asking for it. The sauce cache came in very handy.

Sauce Girl seems to have disappeared, though. She’s been replaced by Sauce Grinch, an unhappy older woman who, more often than not, doesn’t give me any sauce no matter how loudly or frequently I ask for it.

My sauce reserves are rapidly depleting. At this rate of consumption, I estimate my reserves will be completely exhausted within two weeks. This is terrible.

I fear I may have to park my car next week and walk into Taco Bell on foot to carry out an emergency fire sauce cache replenishing operation.