Behold this email I received from Comcast after telling them I wanted to receive all my bills online, with no paper copies:

Date: Tue, 30 Sep 2003 22:51:07 -0600 (MDT)
From: Comcast Customer Care
To: Ryan Grove
Subject: Confirmation of Completed Changes

DO NOT REPLY TO THIS MESSAGE. IT WAS SENT FROM AN AUTOMATED 
SYSTEM AND REPLIES WILL NOT BE ANSWERED.

==================================================
This message confirms that your statement delivery method
has been changed to not receive a paper statement. Please
allow one full billing cycle for this change to take effect.

Although you have elected to receive a paper statement, you
will also continue to receive an online statement -- it is
an account management feature of Online Bill Pay and cannot
be disabled at this time.

Thank you for using Online Bill Pay to manage your Comcast
account.
===================================================

Sincerely,
Comcast Customer Care

Note the usage of “to not”. While I’m not normally opposed to the occasional split infinitive, I feel very strongly that the word “to” should never ever immediately precede the word “not”. It sounds stupid, like something a fifth grader would write. Also note, of course, the fact that the message is completely ambiguous. It says that I have decided “to not receive a paper statement”, but goes on to say that I have decided to receive a paper statement.

Why aren’t these people paying me money instead of the other way around?