The thermostat in the office where I work is the dumbest electronic device I have ever encountered. Calling it a thermostat is like calling a beachball the moon.

There are three buttons on this thermostat: "Cooler", "3 Hour Occupied" and "Warmer". In order to get the "Cooler" and "Warmer" buttons to do anything, you must first press the "3 Hour Occupied" button. Then, once you press either "Cooler" or "Warmer", the thermostat falls asleep. Finally, after some completely arbitrary amount of time has passed, it wakes up, remembers that a button was pressed, and turns on the heater. Sometimes it will wake up after a completely arbitrary amount of time and think a button was pressed (when, in fact, one wasn't) and turn on the heater. Sometimes it will turn on the air conditioning for just a few seconds, then turn on the heater, as if to taunt me. It's saying, "I could give you cold air if I wanted to, BUT NO! You will burn in your own artificial hell, puny Earthling!"

After months of exhaustive research, I have come to the conclusion that no matter what button you press, heat is the only possible result. This explains why I am currently sitting in the office, frying like an egg, with the heater blowing scalding hot air right on the back of my head, while outside it is a chilly 50 degrees Fahrenheit.

And people wonder why office workers flip out and kill people.