My morning commute, or: Why I hate invisible traffic cops

My commute these days isn’t terribly long. It’s only about five miles each way, but it takes me fifteen minutes to drive those five miles thanks to traffic lights, congestion, horribly-timed road construction, and other random variables that pop up from time to time. But what’s slowing me down more than any of these things is one particular motorcycle traffic cop who likes to hide along one particular road that I can’t avoid.

Over the last few years I’ve been making an effort to avoid getting traffic tickets, because when you’re paying $400 a month for auto insurance, there is something horribly wrong. So about two years ago I invested in an Escort Passport 8500, which is widely considered to be the best consumer radar detector money can buy. This handy device has saved me from more tickets than I can count. But there’s still one thing it’s vulnerable to, just like any radar detector, and this thing is instant-on radar.

Luckily, I’ve been being good about not exceeding the speed limit lately, so the only thing that happens when my Passport suddenly emits a frantic explosion of noise is that I jump in surprise and hit my head on the roof of the car. The thing is, every day I know this cop will be there, and every day I look for him, but the only time I see him is when he’s got someone else pulled over. Either he’s found the ultimate hiding place or he’s got some sort of invisibility shield. It’s eerie.

I’m half tempted to speed past this guy some morning, just so I can ask him where the hell he’s hiding. Or perhaps I’ll sneak out early in the morning and wait for him to show up, then follow him.

Or not.