Dear movie theatres: You are obsolete. Please die.
Thanks to HD DVD and Blu-Ray, movies now look and sound better in my living room than they do in a theatre. And my living room has the benefit of being under my complete dictatorial control, so if a fat lady with flashing LED earrings sits in front of me and starts texting her girlfriends during the movie, I can kick her ass out, rewind the movie, and resume where I left off. Actually, I'd probably call the cops too because, seriously, WTF? But you get the point.
I can't remember the last time I had a good moviegoing experience, and I have a pretty good memory. Nothing ruins a potentially good movie like a crappy sound system, a scratched-up screen, a dim projector bulb, a film reel that someone dropped on the floor and stomped on, or a blind projectionist who can't be bothered to adjust the focus before the movie starts. Even when nothing goes wrong with the technical aspects of the moviegoing experience (which is rare these days), there always seems to be a fat lady with flashing LED earrings texting her girlfriends, or a crying baby, or two little old ladies who take turns asking each other what just happened or why he did that or who that guy was.
As if that wasn't enough, movie studios routinely deface their own movies with anti-piracy graffiti. So on the rare occasions when the film hasn't been stomped on, the screen isn't scratched, the sound system rocks, the projectionist got the focus right, the fat lady has left to get more candy, and you're finally beginning to enjoy the movie, you're suddenly assaulted by flashes of ugly brown dots all over a pivotal scene.
But apparently even those scene-ruining shitdots aren't enough to fight piracy, so now movie studios are hiring creepy old guys to film the audience.
So here's the deal: I'm finished with movie theatres. Done. I will no longer pay to see movies in theatres, not even with friends, not even if they beg. If it's free, then maybe I'll consider it, but my money is staying in my pocket. I'm willing to wait a few months for something to come out on HD DVD or Blu-Ray so I can watch it in the privacy and comfort of my own home, on my own kickass entertainment system, without annoying morons, anti-piracy shitdots, or creepy privacy-invading old men ruining the experience.
Who's with me?
Comments
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Yup, been with you for about 2-3 years now. I make occasional exceptions, but the last movie I saw in a theater was in 2006, and I can count the number of movies I saw in a theater in 2006 on one hand.
Going to a theater wouldn't be worth my time if it was free.
Totally Agree
I have been saying what you said a long time now. I used to go to the theatre a LOT. I mean multiple times a week. But, then I go annoyed by the rude people and the expensive tickets. Why go to a movie theatre to see a movie (with my wife) for $9.75 a person, when for $15/mo I can rent as many DVDs/HDDVDs/BluRays from Netflix? It does not make any sense anymore.
I saw three whole movies in the theatres this summer, that is more than I have seen in the last two or three years (one was free, one was because a buddy really wanted to go and one was a date movie with the wife). The experiences were on par with what I remembered. People talking. People throwing popcorn. Fortunately, no one with a red laser pointer. The third movie I saw, there was severe 1.85:1 burn-in on the screen, so that the 2.35:1 movie we were watching had these odd darker bars on the side.
I totally agree, theatres are a relic nowadays.
Amen, Brother! Sing It!
I admit to catching a random movie (maybe two) in the theater per year because I'm forced to by loved ones, but I'm otherwise exclusively NetFlix and TiVo's bitch.
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Precisely why I stopped going to the new Century theaters here in town. Not because they have a particularly higher concentration of idiocy, but because Evergreen has much more secluded exits (that is, entrances -- depending on your perspective).
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I saw Transformers in the theatre just this past weekend, but only because I wanted to see it on a 40 foot screen with the insanely loud sound. I went to a late show (9:50pm) and there were only 4 other people there with me. That was awesome. I have a 46" LCD HDTV at home with all the surround sound bells and whistles, but sometimes I still like to get out and see it on the big boy. However, having said that, I have probably only seen 5 movies in the theatres since 2004. My DVD collection grows by the week... 450 and counting.
One thing...
One thing that movie theaters have going for them is that you actually /do/ have to leave your house and go be within close proximity of other people. It's a pretty pathetic example of community, but still, in a nation that is increasingly individualistic and everyone sits in their own little house watching their own little TV surrounded only by people like them consuming the same corporate lifestyle and image - maybe movie theaters are at least a little good. I mean, the other solution is to make movie theaters suck less, but that's not likely to happen unless it can line the pockets of Regal, Century et al.. The same argument works for buses versus cars. Take it or leave it...
Re: One thing...
That's actually the only reason I've gone to a movie theatre in the last year or so. That said, I'd argue that it's actually less antisocial to invite friends over to watch a movie or two in my living room. I used to do a weekly movie night where a bunch of friends would come over and we'd have dinner and watch two or three movies. It was tons of fun (although the food issue got complicated when 10+ people started showing up each week).
gettin' out, seeing people
With how expensive movies are getting, community theatre is almost as cheap. If you just want to get out and feel part of something, it's a much stronger human connection, and the audiences are much more polite. Ditto chamber music concerts, or watching a gig at a pub.
(well, okay)
I meant seeing a band at a pub would be a stronger social experience than going to a movie theatre. I have no reason to believe that the audience would be better behaved.
Reminds me of Howard Hughes
One day on a quest for knowledge I found this site of a very interesting story with cool pictures. It details this audio system Roger Tolces put together in 1968 for Howard's projection system that he used to watch movies on the top floor of the Desert Inn in Vegas. The amp weighed 40 pounds, and the speakers about a hundred pounds each. They had to keep the room beneath the theatre room vacant due to the loudness.
His favorite movie was Ice Station Zebra, which I'll have to watch at some point.
I agree with your opinions about movie theaters. When I'm not watching movies at home, I only really go to mcmenamin's or cinetopia, which has neato digital projectors.
Not obsolete yet...
Bully for you (seriously). But it ain't true for all of us. Movie theaters serve a valuable purpose for those of us (and there are many) who don't have the space or money for a home theater system that is as good as yours. There are many films that I'd rather see on a big screen than on my 12" or 14" TV or computer. And the sound is so much better.
If you don't want to go to a theater, then don't. But don't pretend that they're dead yet.