The private, tenants-only bathroom in the office building where I work is an endless source of fascination for me. It’s like a tiny experiment in human behavior. Since the bathroom consists of only a toilet, a urinal, and a sink, and has a locking door, people seem to do things in there that they normally wouldn’t do in a public bathroom.
I know that sounds bad, but it’s really quite interesting. For example, today I walked into the bathroom and found that someone had left the toilet seat up. Normally, this would not be unusual, except that there is a perfectly functional urinal a mere three feet from the toilet. It’s a one-person bathroom and the quarters are way too close for two people to comfortably coexist in there, so it’s not as if the urinal was occupied. What in the world could have driven some poor man to go to the trouble of lifting a toilet seat before peeing, when he could much more easily have simply peed in the urinal?
I imagine it must have happened something like this:
(man walks into bathroom, heads for urinal)
Toilet: Ahem.
Man: (looks around in confusion, pants half-unzipped)
Toilet: Over here.
Man: What the hell?
Toilet: Yes, exactly. What the hell? Why are you using that urinal when you could be using me?
Man: Um.
Toilet: Am I not good enough for you? Am I not sparkling clean? Is my water not pure and fresh? Is my bowl not ready and willing to accept your foul offal?
Man: I…
Toilet: Look at that urinal. So ugly, so plain, so limited. Not only do I offer you a comfortable place to sit and rest, I am also capable of disposing of both liquid and solid waste in a clean and sanitary manner! I am a technological marvel!
Man: But…
Toilet: Look, I know what you’re thinking. You’re thinking, “But I only have to pee.” Well let me tell you something, my boy, have I got a surprise for you! I am so flexibly designed that, with a minimum of effort, I can be reconfigured to accept your liquid waste while you sit or while you stand!
Man: Well…
Toilet: I’ve had enough of your insolence! Unhand that foul urinal and pee in me, or else!
I feel sorry for the poor guy, whoever he was.
Comments
Wow...
Today must have been really, really boring at your office.
In defense of the toilet...
However, given a choice between the two, I would pick the toilet because when one uses the urinal, urine tends to bounce off and spray in every direction. At least I know it happens to me. It isn't much, but it's not a good thing.
don't get urinals anyway
So - it spashes everywhere --- good to know - I'm not letting any guys use my toilet at home.
Re: don't get urinals anyway
And to answer your question, guys using urinals are under a strict social obligation not to talk to each other, make eye contact, or in any way signify that they are even aware of the presence of anyone else in the room. The only exceptions to this rule are if the guy in question is:
It is somewhat more acceptable, however, for a man using a urinal to chat with a man using an enclosed toilet, assuming the latter is not pooping and assuming there is nobody else in the bathroom. Although it's still a little weird.
Perhaps a woman?
Women sometimes have this odd behavior wherein they put the seat up and try to hover over the fixture in order to keep from actually touching a public or even semi-public toilet seat. Is this a men's room, or is it just "The" restroom?
Re: Perhaps a woman?
Aha! You may have the answer. This is, in fact, a unisex bathroom. Or omnisex. Or multisex. Or whatever the right word is.
Screw urinals
Well, perhaps he just likes the friendly splashy sounds. and urinals look far to much like an open mouth. I like oral sex, but the golden shower fetish is a mysterious thing to me. Plus...I like to wipe the drippy li'l guy after relief. They don't put toilet paper near the urinals.