The eclectic musings of a bitter software engineer.

Listen up spiders: I hate you

Friday September 02, 2005 @ 10:22 AM (PDT)

I woke up this morning with a spider in my ear.

For some reason, spiders seem to be attracted to my sleeping form. Past encounters with spiders include one hugeass wolf spider that I found sitting happily on my mouth one morning and about a zillion unidentified baby spiders that hatched somewhere in my room and found their way under my covers, giving me the strange feeling that my legs were covered in bugs (they were). But the evil bastards have at least stayed out of my various orifices until today.

As consciousness came this morning, I felt something light brush against my right ear. I automatically swiped at it, thinking it was a floating tuft of Qubit hair (not at all uncommon around my apartment). I was confused when I heard and felt a drumming sound deep within my ear; it sounded like there was fluid sloshing around.

Crap, I thought, are my ears going to fill up with fluid and make me deaf again like that time a few years ago?

I sat up and tilted my head to the left to see if the fluid would slosh. It did, sort of, but something didn't sound quite right. I tilted my head to the right, and was rewarded with the eerie sensation of something falling out of my ear. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw a dark spot on the bed, which I assumed to be fluid soaking into the dark sheets. But when I looked closer, the dark spot moved. Turns out it had legs. Eight of 'em. It was a tiny black spider, no bigger than a pencil eraser.

That's fucking creepy is what that is.

Comments

I assume you promptly ended his existence?

Friday September 02, 2005 @ 11:26 AM (PDT) Posted by Mike

Spiders blow hard. They're like, uhhh, Courtney Love...nobody likes them, but they keep coming back.

Saturday September 03, 2005 @ 09:06 AM (PDT) Posted by sam

I like spiders just fine. I do however prefer them to stay outside.

Saturday September 03, 2005 @ 10:41 AM (PDT) Posted by tabor

I think its amazing with everything happening with the hurricane that you can post about bullshit like this. You haven't even once mentioned it.

Saturday September 03, 2005 @ 07:49 PM (PDT) Posted by slippingaway

Yeah, it's a shame. Probably aren't that many spiders left down there.

Saturday September 03, 2005 @ 07:52 PM (PDT) Posted by etmorpi

What the fuck. I can't beleive that with all of the 24/7 news coverage, days later, that you can post this bullshit on an otherwise unadulterated news site.

Saturday September 03, 2005 @ 09:04 PM (PDT) Posted by tabor
I live in Oregon. I've never been to New Orleans. I don't know anyone from New Orleans. What do you want me to say? Hurricanes are bad? Saving refugees is good? This isn't CNN. This is wonko.com. I write about spiders in my ear, for fuck's sake.

By the way, I didn't post anything about the tsunami either. I recommend you stop reading my website, because I'm obviously an insensitive bastard.

P.S. I really, really do wish you would stop reading my website. You hate me. I get it. Don't you have better things to do? This is the Internet, you know. You've got choices.

Saturday September 03, 2005 @ 11:42 PM (PDT) Posted by wonko

Its also amazes me that you still reply to my trolling posts.

Wednesday September 07, 2005 @ 02:34 PM (PDT) Posted by slippingaway

Is it so surprising? I love trolls. Haven't you noticed that I rarely respond to anyone but trolls? It's a shame you seem to be the only one left these days.

Wednesday September 07, 2005 @ 03:03 PM (PDT) Posted by wonko
Ruin another relationship and run off with the girl and I bet you that tons of more trolls will show themselves.

That was some classic internet drama. Excellent. For a moment I had almost thought the whole thing was staged by you and your friends. To my delight it wasn't.
Wednesday September 07, 2005 @ 03:56 PM (PDT) Posted by slippingaway
Wednesday September 07, 2005 @ 11:48 PM (PDT) Posted by Weasel

If he ran off with a black guy could we work racism and homophobia into this somehow?

Monday September 12, 2005 @ 08:13 AM (PDT) Posted by aphyr
Why not put cotton balls in your ears at night? Also a few drops of olive or mineral oil will help deter insects and spiders from crawling into your ears.

If you should happen to have an insect trapped in your ear again do not panic, simply use a few drops of the oil into the affected ear as mentioned here: http://www.nlm.nih.gov/medlineplus/print/ency/article/000052.htm

Another thing I should mention is that insects in your dwelling are a symptom of a bigger problem. Make sure there is no food that attracts insects into your house lying around. Be meticulous about the cleaning! Spiders cannot survive without a food source (insects) so if you have spiders you have insects which are attracted to your house by something and by eliminating that you can sleep soundly.

Hope this helps!

Jen
Wednesday September 21, 2005 @ 03:46 AM (PDT) Posted by Jen

I have this same problem... but its not just sleep, its all the time and people around me are noticing it too, so I'm not just crazy. A psychic tols me that My family has a curse on it, wich could be true because I am half jamaican and voo doo has been known in my family. I would get this checked out. I actually going to a witches covenant tomarrow cuz its starting to get soo bad.

Thursday October 27, 2005 @ 05:40 PM (PDT) Posted by Dania

I think i have a spider in my ear.

Friday March 28, 2008 @ 05:16 PM (PDT) Posted by Bella

I think I have a spider in my ear. Yesterday I tried to brush it off of me and it began crawling all over me.I now have a sharp pain in one ear only, and it is very sore.I am definately not sick. I do not want to go to the doctors for this- I want to take care of it myself if possible. Does anyone have a solution other than the mineral oil? Please help.

Friday March 28, 2008 @ 05:20 PM (PDT) Posted by Bella
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